Joy

I have always found interesting, the question of the glass. Half full or half empty? I know that my glass has only ever been half full if I know there is more in the bottle!! My life has always been about enough. I am never enough and I can’t get enough!
I have been trying to figure out a way to keep my glass half full without worrying about the reserve. The only thing I can come up with is…. Pay Attention! Look around to recognize and experience joy. Then, bank that joy. Hold the memory and keep it in the reserve. I realize that as we get older, memory is not something a lot of us have recollection of. I have started calling my children 1, 2 and 3. But... I try to remember the feeling of joy and that I am capable of it.
I was told that the way to experience joy is to serve others. But, without joy first, serving others is a distraction not true joy, and will lead to resentment. I serve others and protect myself to not be vulnerable. My protection is ¾ full and my vulnerability is running on empty.
Several situations in my life at present are teasing my patience. Not an attribute that I was gifted with. I am realizing that my constant drive forward is my way of protecting myself and not paying attention. It is my way of making life experience me and not allowing myself to experience life and bank joy.
I am working on the patience to find my balance between my half full protection and my half empty vulnerability. I believe this is where my joy lies. There, I know my glass will overflow.